I am reading a book recommended to me more than a year ago. I should have read it then. I didn’t and I am feeling the guilt now. Of course I would have felt guilt then too. It’s another book on which I look at my parenting skills and find myself lacking.
I know in my mind that I did not have the strength to do what needed to be done five years ago. I couldn’t have home schooled then. Of course I might have tried when I realized what the kids were missing. I also could have afforded the materials for some of the things. Sean would have learned to write with his left hand and I wouldn’t have had to argue with teachers about how even though he used his right hand it really wasn’t comfortable for him.
I can still remember the disappointment I felt when I received a call that Mary Kate wasn’t ready for all day kindergarten. I was devastated. I was looking forward to having one less child to have around. Doesn’t that sound terrible? So many missteps I have made.
But I can only go forward from here. I am hoping that I can teach the children the skills that they will need in the changing future. I am getting excited about the prospects of teaching them to think and analyze and question. The oldest won’t be immune either. Just because she is still in school does not excuse her from my new found enthusiasm - much to her regret.
She will be reading over the summer books that should be on her list of required reading but are not. She will also be completing a term paper for me. One in which she won’t just be regurgitating facts on paper, but one in which she will have come to a conclusion about her thesis and prove whether it was a valid thesis or not.
It will prove to be an interesting summer. The younger children will learn that we are “doing school” year round. This may be difficult at first but I think it is doable.
I need to forgive myself for what I don’t know and move forward with what I now know. I told Larry the other day that I would be a really good teacher for our grandchildren. I hope I get the chance to find out.